Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Committed Partnership
Being a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again.
Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.
- The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.
