These Advice given by My Father That Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger inability to open up between men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a break - going on a few days overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."